Day 253 (07.21.14) Changing

  1. Get moving: Today I burned 1,916 calories.  I went 5.50 miles of the elliptical and walked 1 miles today.
  2. Cutting Calories: I consumed 1,703 calories.
  3. Saving money ($5,000)$300
  4. New workout: ???

Today I had a conversation with my sister and she encouraged me to make changes.  I have to remember that the weight loss is a side effect of training for my bigger goal of hiking the A.T.  I need to start eating cleaner and come up with some new workouts.  I run my life on plans; make a plan, stick to the plan until the end, do not waver.  This is a change to the plan and a restart.  I am going to start by looking into replacement workouts, someone has suggested a few youtube channels that I’m going to check out and I am going to try and get in the pool a couple of times a week.  I’m hoping to replace my elliptical workouts with at home or pool workouts.  My sister as always made it all make sense to me, she has a way of telling me what I need to hear, that’s not to say she says what I want to hear!  She called me out for using my scale in between weigh ins, I had been and it needed to stop so when I got home I took a hammer to my scale and it is no more.  When I weigh in I don’t even use my own scale there really was no point to having it. After work Kira came over and we tried our hand at up cycling a few t-shirts, I made a bag and a new headband, in the process I broke out a bag full of old clothes and found my dress from when one of my older sisters got married at The Renaissance Festival,  I also found the dress that one of my other sisters wore, my dress was way to big, my sisters dress actually fit me! I’m pumped about that, granted it’s a corset style dress so it laces up but the fact that it fit me at all was a miracle.  When I was living in my last apartment and packed up this bag of clothes I remember trying to get in on and that not happening.  Best find of the day was my favorite skirt from middle school, guess what? IT FITS! It’s actually to big but I plan on wearing it until it falls off! Between sisterly love and these clothing finds things are looking up.

 

Day 252 (07.20.14) Feeling Fat

  1. Get moving: Today I burned 2,398 calories.  I walked/ran on the treadmill for 1.5 miles, walked 6 miles, and biked 4.9 miles today.
  2. Cutting Calories: I consumed 1,669 calories.
  3. Saving money ($5,000)$300
(This was written at 8 A.M.)
Normally I avoid the word fat like my life depends on it because well it does. Fat has been used against me for so many things for so long that I just eliminated it from my vocabulary. Well today I feel fat, I feel all the shame and guilt I’ve been told to feel my whole life. I feel like I take up to much of other peoples space when I’m sitting on my couch in my empty house.  I want to melt into the furniture and just give up. I want to just get fatter and fatter. I want to do what people have been telling me since I started to lose weight I want to gain back everything I lost and then some. I want to be fat and not care but at this point I don’t think that’s possible I’m to aware of my size these days to quit, I would spiral into a depression I don’t need but I can’t help but think that’s better then feeling fat and ugly, if I eat myself into oblivion maybe I won’t care. Maybe I’ll die of that heart attack I’ve heard people whisper about every time I don’t feel good. Maybe I can gain so much weight I’ll die at 30 like I’ve heard people predict in my life!  THATS RIGHT I HEAR YOU WHISPER ABOUT ME! I HEAR YOU TALK ABOUT MY HEALTH LIKE I’M TO STUPID TO NOTICE!!!
You justify your whispers as concern for my health but we all know that you do it because it makes you feel better about your life, your not fooling anyone!! Every positive change in my life I’ve made I want to give up. In every post I’ve made I’ve turned it around to motivate myself to not quit but today I won’t today I’m going to do me and if that means gaining 200 pounds so be it! This is the real me the real me who struggles on a daily basis just to like myself enough to get out of bed. My cat will love me no matter how fat I am and right now that’s what I need! Hell the fatter I am the softer I will be for her to sleep on!
I’m sick of apologizing for eating more than I said I would!!! I made these goals up I can break them and I need to stop apologizing for that! The only persons who’s opinion of me that matters in mine and right now I hate myself. I hate myself for secretly having at least one cigarette a day for the last week! I hate myself for every pound I gain for every thing I eat no matter how healthy or how low in calories! I hate myself when I eat less 1500 calories, (because I feel like I shorted myself on food) I hate myself when I go over I hate myself when I go 10 miles and I hate myself when I don’t work out at all! I can’t win so why try?
Post workout thoughts, after a rough start to the day I walked/ran (and I mean full out ran) on the treadmill for 1.5 miles, walked 6 miles, and biked 4.9 miles.  I ended the day feeling a little bit better then I did this morning.  Please note that my rant about being fat still stands true I still feel that way on a daily basis on a much less grand scale though.  I ended the day on a much more positive note.

Day 251 (07.19.14) I Have no Regrets

  1. Get moving: Today I burned 4,469 calories.  I worked out for 2 hours and 49 minutes today.  I did 9 miles on the elliptical and walked 3.30 miles on the treadmill.
  2. Cutting Calories: I consumed 2,480 calories.
  3. Saving money ($5,000)$300

I way over ate today but it felt good cause I also worked my ass off today.  Being at home by myself is weird in a good way, I worked out then went to work for a few hours then worked out more.  It’s very rare that my wife is gone and I’m home, so I don’t know what to do with myself.  Today Kira purchased her wedding dress, I’m so excited for her!!  I’ll be on the trail when Kira gets married but I’m hoping that I will be in a place physically, finically, and emotionally to come home for her big day.  My biggest concern is that if I do leave the trail I won’t come back to it so being there emotionally will be a big factor.  Tomorrow I only work 4 hours so I plan on getting some hiking in, I haven’t been in the woods in a while so it will be a much needed change.  Holly works in the P.M. so I hope to do it while she is at work.

Day 250 (07.18.14) Nero

  1. Get moving: Today I burned 796 calories.  I jogged 1.30 miles and walked 1.50 miles.
  2. Cutting Calories: I consumed 1,654 calories.
  3. Saving money ($5,000)$300

Today I did very little working out.  I went for a jogged and went about 1.30 miles and walked 1.53 miles.  Overall it wasn’t a bad day. I wouldn’t have gone over my calories but I had a couple of glasses of wine.  Today Kira went to another place to try on dresses I got out of work on a whim and went with her.  She has a hard decision to make as she has found two beautiful dresses, I hope she follows her heart and gets the one she wants and doesn’t let anyone, myself included, sway her one way or another.  I’m hoping to get in quite a few miles tomorrow, we’ll see how motivated I am after all the wine.

Day 249 (07.17.14) All of the Miles

  1. Get moving: Today I burned 4,054 calories.  I went 10.30 miles on the elliptical and walked 4.50 miles between the treadmill and outside.
  2. Cutting Calories: I consumed 1,655 calories.
  3. Saving money ($5,000)$300

I’ve been looking into up cycling my old t-shirts because then I don’t have to buy any more transition shirts I can just cut up the old ones and make them new again! For the next two weeks I get to work only day shifts so I plan on getting in some hiking and buying the tools to up cycle my t-shirts.  I only need a circular cutter so it’s cheap to get like new shirts that fit! Today I have felt super confident in my body which happens more now but is still rare! I love days like today.  I’m hoping to keep the ball rolling, as they say, and keep getting up after I’m done with the consistent schedule! Hulu needs to get rid of the Ben and Jerry’s commercials, I just want ice cream!! I only haven’t given in because I don’t want to go over to much today!

Day 248 (07.16.14) Weigh in Wednesday

  1. Get moving: Today I burned 3,039 calories.  I went 10 miles on the elliptical and walked about 2 miles today.
  2. Cutting Calories: I consumed 1,985 calories.
  3. Saving money ($5,000)$300

Today was weigh in day, I weighed in at 292.2, down 1.2 pounds since last week and 102.8 pounds total! I’m very excited about the progress! I can’t wait to start another week of positive steps toward another good weigh in and getting closer to the Appalachian Trail.  I have been working a lot and work has been stressful, I’ve been trying to come up with ways to not over eat when stressed so far I haven’t been successful at it.  Someone suggested yoga but thats not an option at work. I’ve tried being better prepared with a food plan and that almost always fails cause I end up eating all my prepared food to soon.  Today has been a bad food day but a good exercise day, I call days like today a wash, I’m not proud of it but I’ll take it.  I’m excited about tomorrow, tomorrow one of my best friends, Kira, is going to her first wedding dress shopping appointment! I’m excited for her to start looking!

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This picture is from my hike yesterday!

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Day 247 (07.15.14) Change of Plans ; )

  1. Get moving: Today I burned 1,605 calories.  I hiked 1.88 miles with my wife, walked about 0.50 miles, and then walked 2.10 miles with my pack!
  2. Cutting Calories: I consumed 1,648 calories.
  3. Saving money ($5,000)$300

My day didn’t go as planned, it wasn’t my wife I couldn’t get out of bed it was myself.  Yep I just didn’t want to get up so we slept a little late and hiked the bluffs it was nice but some of the trails were a little over grown so we got a few scrapes here and there nothing we can’t handle.  I walked to work with my pack and back. My legs have been getting sore towards the end of the day which make me feel really good! I feel like for the first time in a while I can look forward to weigh in and I feel like I’m accomplishing something toward my hiking goal.  Listening to AWOL helps a lot and reminds me why it’s important to build a healthier me before leaving for the A.T.